Although there are four major categories for your relationships, we discussed during the show your relationship with yourself and how this impacts you relationship with everyone else in your world.

One of the tips we discussed was to write yourself a letter.  It’s know that writing helps you to clarify your understanding of a specific event or relationship.

Although you are one person, you are made up of many people and you are a different person in every relationship that you  have.  The relationship as a carefree child that you had or have with your parents; is different to the relationship that you have with your partner/spouse; is different to the relationship you have with your boss or your staff or your colleagues; is different to the relationship that you have with your children.

The greatest science in the world;
in heaven and on earth;
is love.
Mother Teresa

It is important to remember that each relationship you have comes from a position of love within you.  Sometimes a particular event or a particular relationship gives you a challenge and you find that the relationship isn’t working in the way that you want it to be.

Rather than be disillusioned, upset, or even way away from a relationship we discussed how you can assess the relationship through writing.

Write Yourself a Letter:

In a quiet environment write yourself a letter expressing exactly how you feel, providing full details about exactly what happened, and what did not happen.  It is important that you spend time expressing the detail.

Write You a Letter from the Other Person:

We always look at the world around us from our own eyes; but when you start to think about the same event from someone else’s perspective you often become enlightened as to what actually happened.

Often you can get clarity over an event or someone’s behaviour if you sit down and put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  It often brings an insight that you don’t see when you are looking at the event or their behaviour from your world.

So take a few moments and in a quiet space, put yourself in the other person’s place and look at the particular event again.  Write yourself a letter from their world.  Take into consideration how they were feeling, what they were doing, what they were saying or what they wanted to say.

Before I continue it is important to realise that you will never send this or these letters.  What you write is two-fold:
(1) to release the emotions in relation to this event or this relationship
(2) to bring an insight into the challenges of this particular event or relationship.

Write the Other Person a Letter:

Rather than let the emotions of an event, a conversation, or a relationship with a specific person take up your energy by going round and round in your mind; write them a letter.

Remember you will not be sending this letter, so you can say what you want.  You can say it anyway you want to say it.  You can express exactly what you want to express.

Write Yourself a Letter from the Future:

Sometimes when you look back at an event, then you can see it in a different light.  Take yourself one week, one month, one year, into the future; and look back on the event.  As you look back you will see elements of the event that you have not been aware of previously.

Write Yourself a Letter for the Future:

If you think about the same event or the same relationship happening in your future, write to yourself about how you would experience this event or relationship differently.

You can think about what you would like to change, how you would like to talk to the other person, what you would like them to say, and what the outcome will be; that would be a happy and positive experience.

The benefit of writing these letters:

Writing to yourself, a letter that you will not share with anyone gives you the opportunity to look at the event or relationship from a different perspective.

Often when you are in an event you will be reacting from your own beliefs, habits, and/or emotions.  Writing to yourself and providing full detail of exactly what happened, who said what, what emotions were involved, what you felt, and when you are looking at this from someone else’s perspective, what they felt.

When you have finished writing, look back at what you have written.  Ask yourself:

  • if I am in this conversation in the future, what will I do differently?
  • if I am talking to this person in the future, how can I change this conversation so that the outcome is a positive outcome?

© 2014-2015 Barbara J. Cormack MNMC, AFC, AFM, CIAC